Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers
by Kaori
Summary: That's right! The Shinobi's Guide series returns with more ridiculous hijinks. When the missions run dry and the shinobi get bored what do you suppose happens? Well, here's what I think...
1. Chapter 1

It's been over two years. Many thought it was gone for good…

They were horribly mistaken.

That's right boys and girls, kiss your sanity goodbye because the rabbit hole of depravity has re-opened and dropped you smack dab in the middle of the caverns of crack! Shinobi's Guide is BACK!

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers

Part One: It Begins

By Kaori

Nobody was entirely sure why it was so slow, but during those fourteen days there were no missions. No attacks on allied villages, nobody needing to be escorted, no assassinations…hell Tora even decided to give up trying to escape his overly-affectionate mistress. Call it a fluke, call it divine interference, call it extreme plot contrivance but for fourteen days there was nothing better for anyone to do.

During the first week, people mostly did whatever the felt like; hanging out at friends, trying out those new places or that new recipe they'd promised to but somehow never found the time, catching up on all of the latest gossip, training, or just laying on their backs and staring up at the clear blue sky.

Yes, seven lazy, peaceful days full of doing everything you always wanted to do. But then, after you've done all those things, you realize that you now have nothing else to do. It was this epiphany that forced one Uzumaki Naruto to utter two words that, if anyone had been nearby to hear him say them, would cause people to back up very slowly out the nearest door then run full tilt to the nearest village.

As it was, he was alone and so there was no one to warn the village when he said…

"I'm bored-ttebayo."

_Yep, it's an entire Shinobi Guide dedicated to the crap teenagers get up to when they are bored out of their friggin' minds. I know many of you will do it anyway, but I have to ask that you DO NOT attempt any of the things that will be occurring in the next chapter if for no other reason than people these days are wound up a lot more tightly than they were in the 80's (the last decade you could get away with most of this without getting your ass kicked)._


	2. Chapter 2

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers

Part Two: Incendiary  
By Kaori

You know how, in the movies, when a character is faced with a question of morality he is presented with two anthropomorphic personifications of good and evil to help him make a decision? Yeah, well Kiba didn't get those today; he got Shino and Naruto instead.

"Come _on_ Kiba! You don't want to spend the day doing the same thing you did last week do you?" wheedled the blonde. "You're only young once, you know!"

The two had been arguing back and forth over whether or not Kiba should accompany Naruto on his quest to annoy and humiliate the village population for shits and giggles.

"This sort of activity is not conducive to becoming a productive member of the shinobi community." Shino said. "Your time would be best spent making yourself a better ninja."

"How can you say that when most of our jobs involves sneaking around in places we're not supposed to be, doing stuff that we're not supposed to do?" countered Naruto. "This is the most conductive thing you could be doing!"

"What you're proposing is delinquency."

"What I'm _proposing_ is fun! If you don't want to help that's your business but Kiba can make up his own mind."

Kiba was markedly impressed that Naruto had been able to out-logic Shino. And of course, being a normal teenage boy (ninja training aside) he made the only logical choice…

"Let's go Naruto."

Once they were both outside and a considerable distance away, Kiba asked the inevitable question "Where are we going?"

"We're going to get some sake." Naruto replied as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

"We're not old enough to drink."

"I never said we were going to drink it."

"Then just what _are_ we going to do with it?"

As an answer, Kiba was treated to one of Naruto's infamous fox grins.

(The authoress would like to kindly ask *again* that none of you try any of what you are about to read at home. The authoress claims no responsibility for anyone foolhardy enough to ignore the aforementioned warning. Once again, DO NOT try this at home…or anywhere else for that matter! I know how some of you think.)

Acquiring said alcoholic beverage had not been easy. Naruto used his Oiroke no Jutsu to distract the shopkeeper while Kiba ran inside and "borrowed" a barrel of sake.

"Okay, we've got the booze now what are going to do with it?" Kiba asked.

"Later, next we need a big bag of flour."

"Flour?"

A quick raid on the Inuzuka pantry later and the two boys were in possession of a hundred pound bag of flour. Once again Kiba asked what they were going to do with it and once more Naruto didn't answer, instead telling him that they needed to stop by the blonde's apartment to pick up some rope.

After that detour, Kiba followed Naruto (now more out of pure curiosity) to a small shed near one of the training grounds.

"_Now_ will you tell me what all of this stuff is for?" Kiba was starting to get annoyed. Naruto opened the barrel of sake and stuffed the rope inside before turning to his companion.

"Not exactly. What I need you to do is…"

Hatake Kakashi was enjoying himself immensely. It seemed like he would have a whole week of doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and reading Icha Icha Paradise cover to cover without interruptions. Well two out of three isn't so bad…

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The battle cry was the only warning he got before a blur of orange snatched his precious reading material from his hands.

"SCORE!" cheered Naruto, running away like the devil himself was coming after him. Perfectly justifiable behavior; Kakashi may not be _The Devil_ but to some people he was the next best thing.

"NAAAARUUUUTOOOOO!" roared the jounin, immediately giving chase.

"You shouldn't read this stuff too much sensei you'll go blind!" Naruto taunted, waving the book he was clutching above his head. "Maybe I'll just destroy it! Can't have you losing sight in the only eye you can use normally can we?"

"Don't you dare!"

Now it's true that Naruto is a genin and Kakashi is a jounin, and that there's no way he should be able to outrun the older man but let's not forget that this is a boy that made it a habit of vandalizing the Hokage monument and antagonizing the Godaime. Running away from people out to beat the hell out of him is something he excels at. It also helped that today's pursuer was mad enough to spit fire. All he had to do was keep antagonizing him until he got to his destination and revenge would be his. He opened the book and started ripping out the pages.

Kakashi saw red.

Several miles up the road, Kiba was sitting in the bushes about twenty feet from the shed with a cigarette lighter waiting for Naruto to come back. The blonde's instructions had been rather vague, basically wait until he came back and have the lighter ready. He didn't have to wait long.

Naruto, looking absolutely terrified came barreling down the road with his jounin sensei hot on his heels. Kakashi was doing a very good impression of an angry god and Kiba was debating whether or not he should stick around.

Quick as a lightning strike, Naruto threw a book into the shed. Kakashi, ignored the blonde and dove in after it a cloud of white smoke suddenly erupting from the shed. The jinchuriki didn't waste a second and slammed the shed door shut.

"LIGHT THE ROPE KIBA!" he screamed, diving into the bushes next to the Inuzuka. The other boy, too shocked to even think, did as he was told. "THIS IS REVENGE FOR MY ASS SENSEI (1)!"

TSSSSSSS…..KABOOOM! The shed went up in flames and smoke.

"Tell me we didn't just blow up your sensei." Muttered Kiba.

"If it makes you feel better, sure. We didn't just blow up my sensei." Naruto deadpanned. Of course this is an outright lie proven when the smoke cleared to reveal a singed Kakashi in the middle of the rubble.

"WHAT THE HELL, NARUTO?" Kiba grabbed the other boy and put him into a headlock and proceeded to strangle him.

"Erk…it was revenge…revenge!" croaked out Naruto.

"Why the hell would you _do_ that?"

"Grargh…let me go you idiot!" POOF. The Naruto Kiba was holding dissipated into smoke.

"Kage bunshins. Such useful things…."

Kiba whirled around to spot Naruto sitting under a nearby tree flipping through Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise. The dog-user blinked.

"Didn't you blow that up with Kakashi-sensei?"

"And have him _really_ want to kill me?" snorted Naruto. "No, I just threw one of my old textbooks in there." He closed the book and stood up.

"And you weren't worried that the explosion would kill your sensei?"

"Nah, it'll take more than that to kill Kakashi-sensei. Come on, let's get some ramen all that running around made me hungry."

As the teenagers left they didn't even give a thought to the older man sitting in the middle of a smoking pile of rubble staring at a burned copy of Beginner's Chakra Control.

Things bored teenagers do #1: set things on fire and / or blow things up. A rope soaked in alcohol acts as a fuse. Slamming into the flour bag releases the contents into the air. Fire + flour = explosive burnination!

1) I feel Naruto never really got even with Kakashi for the uber-kancho that is Sennen Goroshi. Blowing him up may or may not have been overkill...


	3. Chapter 3

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Three: Door to Door  
By Kaori

Another deceptively beautiful morning graced the ninja world. Kakashi still occupied the obliterated shed, staring stupidly at the sky with tears streaming down his face. Let us leave this pathetic scene for the far less melodramatic sight of TenTen waking up.

She stretched languidly, her shoulder joints giving a satisfying pop, before rolling out of bed onto her feet. The cold floor woke her up even more as she shuffled towards the bathroom.

Halfway there, she heard the sound of someone knocking on the door. Still half-asleep, she shuffled towards it. Opening the portal, she was confused when there was no one there. Shrugging, she closed it and made her way back towards the bathroom.

The bathwater looked very inviting as it filled the deep basin. She couldn't wait to get in. Turning off the spigot, she was just about to strip out of her clothes when she heard a knock at the door. Groaning, she went to answer it.

She was very annoyed when no one was there and stomped back to the bathroom and angrily disrobed. Her big toe was almost in the water when the knocking commenced again.

"Grrrr…." TenTen growled, throwing on a bathrobe and going to the door, not at all surprised when no one was there.

Even though watching TenTen's rage building is somewhat entertaining, it isn't nearly as amusing as why this was happening in the first place.

You see, Naruto had woken up very early this morning thinking "what kind of shit can I start today?" Actually that's a lie; that was actually the train of thought of Mitarashi Anko. Naruto woke up thinking that Tsunade was smothering him in her cleavage and then realizing that he had somehow ended up facedown in his pillows during the night.

Seeing as how he was wide awake at the ass-crack of dawn, and after consuming almost all the cup ramen in the house, he decided to kill time waiting for Ichiraku to open by playing Ding Dong Dash.

For those of you unfamiliar with this game, it is very simple: ring someone's doorbell and then run away before the person inside can answer it.

Naruto spent most of the morning doing this until he got to Lee's house. No matter how fast you think you are, it seems that it is impossible to get away from the door before Lee can answer it. That being said, our blonde miscreant needed a quick excuse as to why he had tried to flee the scene.

"It's a…new training technique I'm trying." He lied. "For…um stealth. Yeah. See, most normal people will go to answer their doors if someone knocks so it's a great distraction method! I'm trying to knock on as many doors as I can without being seen!"

Lee, trusting fool that he is, thought that this was absolutely brilliant and, not wanting to be outdone, vowed to knock on more doors without being seen than Naruto.

Naruto wished him good luck with that and rushed off to do something that didn't involve talking to weirdoes. (He was unsuccessful but more on that some other time.)

The older boy then found himself facing a bit of a dilemma. Having a few more scruples than Naruto, he didn't want to bother anyone unnecessarily, so instead of knocking on a lot of people's doors, he'd just knock on TenTen's door repeatedly. After all, she was his teammate and surely would not mind.

Unfortunately in his zeal to try out a new training regimen he forgot the part about telling TenTen what he was doing. Thus he was unwittingly driving his teammate insane.

Back inside the house, TenTen had had just about all she could stand. The bathwater was now cold, and she was sweaty from running between the door and the bathroom. Pissed off and dirty, she lay in wait by her door with a sack full of kunai.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Without a second of hesitation she flung open the door and let fly with the kunai, only stopping when she ran out of ammunition.

Outside, panting and terrified was Neji.

"What was that for?" he wheezed.

"Don't play innocent, you were knocking on my door and running away, weren't you?" she glared, looking around for something she could throw.

"Are you crazy? I just got here!"

It was at this moment that Lee came running up, and stopped at the door with his fist raised in preparation to knock, only to notice that the door was already open.

"Oh no, I have been seen!" he wailed. "And I've only managed to knock on your door fourteen times!"

At Ichiraku ramen, Naruto's second breakfast of the day was slightly disturbed by the sounds of someone being beaten half to death.

Things bored teenagers do #2: Get their friends in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is really short and not that funny. Sorry.

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Four: Fury  
By Kaori

To be honest, they deserved every earful they had gotten. They knew full well things were slow, they knew that they'd asked the same thing of the Hokage every day for the last three days, and they knew that she is, quote unquote, a crazy biatch. Naruto, Kiba, and Sasuke knew all of that and yet they went into her office anyway demanding that she give them something to do.

Unfortunately for them, today is the day the Council of Elders decided to take away all of her booze. So now they had to listen to her rant at them.

"In my day having no missions to do was a blessing!" she had started. "In fact, we prayed to kami every night that we could escape the soul sucking torture that our lives were. Months upon months of long missions, where you had to sleep in the mud in the pouring rain wondering if the enemy is a mere foot away waiting to plunge a kunai into your face! Some nights, you couldn't even sleep because _somebody_ was slaughtering your squad in the middle of the night!"

Slowly they tried to inch out the door but the effort proved futile as she threw her desk , blocking the exit and terrifying her semi-captive audience.

"I'm not done talking yet!"

For the next three hours they had to listen to her regale them about the bad old days when they were at war with just about everybody, how most of the D-Rank missions they got involved attempting to retrieve enemy corpses from the battlefield, and that if she had it her way they'd go back to digging trenches with their bare hands and sleeping in the trees.

"And we didn't dare make demands of the Hokage! Hell you couldn't just barge into the Hokage's office like it was some kind of bar! You had to make a bloody appointment and maybe the Hokage would see you if he damn well felt like it! You brats have no idea how damn lucky you are! You come in here whining about how you're "bored" and demanding that I hand you a freaking mission! Little assholes, I oughta make you run around Konoha carrying your body weight in shit! In fact maybe I…"

Knock, knock, knock.

"WHAT GODDAMIT?" Tsunade the door opened and a blue-haired young woman meekly poked her head in.

"Er, sorry Hokage-sama for interrupting, but er…I just wanted to remind you that your meeting with the Daimyo starts in fifteen minutes." Tsunade seemed to deflate at that.

"Oh, yes. Is it that late already? Thank you Hitomi, you may go now." Hitomi nodded and quickly shut the door behind her. Tsunade then rose from her desk and gave a withering look to the three young men in her office. "I have to go to a meeting now." She growled. "And if you are still here when I come back, I will personally hang you outside my window from your balls." Without waiting for a response, she strode purposefully out of the office.

All three of them, despite being very much underage, suddenly felt the need to get something very strong to drink.

Things Bored Teenagers Do #3: Get bawled out by their elders.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the delay. I've been busy making an electronic wedding invitation for a friend.

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Five: Stuck on Stupid  
By Kaori

"So, explain exactly _how_ this happened." The nurse said, genuinely wanting to know how the two genin had managed to get themselves into such a predicament.

Shino looked expectantly at Kiba who sighed.

"Well ma'am," he said, seeing as how the bug-user wasn't going to explain. "it started this morning when…"

**_FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!_**

Seeing that there was nothing else to do and his collection could stand some expansion, Shino got up bright and early to hunt for insects in the forest. The weather forecast for the day made conditions perfect for bug hunting and the young Aburame fully intended to take advantage of the opportunity.

Gathering up his net and boxes, Shino wrote a careful note to his parents and then set out into the forest.

Serenity, tranquility, harmony, peace; these were the thoughts that drifted through young Shino's head as he traipsed under the arboreal canopy. The soothing atmosphere was almost enough to make him forget why he had ventured out in the first place. Thankfully bug hunting gear is somewhat cumbersome to carry and he was able to concentrate on the task at hand.

Naptime could come later.

Unfortunately for Shino somebody else decided that today was a good day to enjoy nature, although the beautiful surroundings were having no effect on him or his rambunctious companion in the slightest.

Kiba had decided in a fit of boredome to romp through the woods with Akamaru in order to tire themselves out enough so that they could nap the rest of the day away. Of course, they would have to pick the exact same section of woods that Shino was hunting insects in.

In truth, they should have been able to avoid each other quite easily. Kiba and Akamaru were making enough noise to wake the dead and Shino's kikaichu should have alerted the tall boy to their presence even if they weren't. However, Shino's kikaichu decided that they weren't needed today and were having a chakra rave (that's right, ninja bugs have rave parties. Deal with it.) and the internal racket had severely dampened his hearing.

As for Kiba and Akamaru, they were having far too much fun chasing small animals to care that they were about to knock Shino out of a tree.

"ROWOOO!!" "!!!" "WAAAAAGHH!" CRASH

For those of you who don't speak onomatopoeia, that was Akamaru running into Shino, Kiba running into both Shino and Akamaru and all three of them falling to the ground. The tremor from the fall dislodged the incredibly large beehive that Shino had been observing right before the accident, covering them all with honey and thus setting off another set of onomatopoeia.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! "!"

The funny thing about being chased by a swarm of bees is that it tends to make you even less aware of your surroundings than usual as your brain is filled only with thoughts of getting away before you are stung to death.

On the road outside the woods, a caravan was travelling towards Konohagakure. The sounds of panicked fleeing and screaming (not so much Shino, he was desperately trying to reason with the bees and failing miserably), angry buzzing coming from the woods made them pause. Which turned out to be the wrong decision when two young men and a dog came barreling out of the forest and crashed right into their shipment of molasses; hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Crashing into the molasses cart sent them sprawling into the bushes on the other side of the road naturally covered in brown, sticky goodness. But if you thought their troubles were over you'd be wrong.

The bushes were actually masking the apex of a rather steep incline and he trio ended up rolling down it. The molasses caused numerous small rocks, twigs, leaves, three lizards, and one unfortunate chipmunk to become adhered to their bodies. Somewhere along the line, they also ended up stuck to each other. Akamaru was adhered to the back of Shino's head, and Shino was stuck to Kiba 's back by his legs.

Still rolling, they hit a large rock in their path and ended up sailing through the air and into the leaves of a tree where they also managed to get a bird's nest stuck to Akamaru's head.

**_KAI_**

The nurse was trying very hard not to laugh as she made her next comment. "That doesn't explain why you're also covered in pie."

"All I know is, after we managed to get out of the tree, we tripped over…"

"_You_ tripped over the rock." Shino corrected. "Akamaru and I are incapable of walking."

"Whatever, I'm not arguing with you. I'm sticky, covered in crud and the chipmunk hasn't stopped biting me since it got stuck to my butt."

"…and the pie?" prompted the nurse.

"There were some guys having a pie fight in the middle of the village and we somehow ended up rolling into the middle of it."

"Rolling?"

"You try walking without tripping when you're awkwardly attached to someone's leg."

"So the section of fence…"

"We crashed into it when we finally stopped rolling." Kiba sighed. "So can you get us unstuck or not?"

"Hold on." Said the nurse, getting a camera out of the drawer and snapping a picture. "Okay, _now_ I can get you unstuck."

"The hell?" "Errf?" "???"

"Sorry, but you guys look so funny I just had to get a picture for my files!"

Things Bored Teenagers Do #4: Get themselves and/or others accidentally stuck to each other.

A/N: This chapter would never have been written at all if it were not for one humorous exchange at work a few weeks ago. I was deciding what to order for lunch and muttering my two choices out loud trying to make up my mind. One of my co-workers misheard me and asked, "who's stuck on stupid?" I gave her a funny look and said, "How the heck do you get "stuck on stupid" from "stew beef or bean soup"? And anyway he's not even here today." This caused everyone in the room to crack up and has become one of the numerous insulting nicknames we've given to our annoying male co-worker (examples Ferret Boy, His Hole-iness, Boy Wander, and Drop-in Visitor #1) and yes, we do call him names to his face. You don't survive long in our department if you can't take abuse. Anyway, that one phrase got me thinking and voila, this chapter as written.


	6. Chapter 6

This fic brought to you by Crack in the Box! Crack in the Box: Crack's Back! (1)

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Six: Free Your Mind…  
By Kaori

There comes a time in every young person's life where they become curious about the facts of life. And before some of you get the wrong idea, this has nothing to do with intimate relations. And no, it's not about voyeuristic yaoi fun either; I don't care what you fangirls want.

You yuri fanboys can cut it out too.

Will you guys quit having ecchi thoughts already! It's distracting! Gah! Now, what was I talking about? Ah yes…

The basic facts of life; like your parents will lie to you at least twice in your lifetime (2), every living thing dies eventually but your mean grandmamma seems to be immortal (and ominiscient), and it is impossible to know absolutely everything about people.

When the majority of your interactions with people involved them running away from you in terror or you turning them into bloody stains on the walls, the number of things you don't know about them increases exponentially. Add to that having no one willing to discuss such matters with you and you end up with the rather disturbing scenario which played out in the suite of an inn within the walls of Konohagakure.

Gaara, bored while waiting for Temari and Kankuro to come back from liaising with the Hokage, was suffering from the human affliction of Idle Thoughts.

He'd wondered what his life would have been life had he not been made a jinchuriki. He'd pondered his navel (and why he'd never suffered from the dreaded bellybutton lint Baki was infamous for). He'd even ruminated on the possibility of gnomes being responsible for the socks that go missing in the dryer before discarding the theory as silly. Everyone knows gnomes only steal underpants (3). Gaara thought about these things and many more, but one thought refused to leave him alone.

What was it like to be a girl?

The question bounced around his head like a squirrel trapped in a small room; it's funny for the first few minutes but then you find yourself worrying about it. The fact that he was still entertaining this ridiculous thought bothered him greatly, but at the same time he really wanted to know.

Girls and boys were different, that much he knew. But were the differences merely cosmetic or did they extend beyond that? How much of their behavior is dictated by physiology and how much by how they're told to behave ?

Resigning himself to the fact that he'd never get any peace until he satisfied his curiosity, he got up and marched into Temari's room.

Yashamaru had told him once that the best way to understand another person was to walk a mile in their shoes… and if they're still mad then you're a mile away and you have their shoes (4). He supposed that this was as good a place to start as any. At this point it occurs to me that if someone had took the time to explain figurative speech (and humour) to Gaara a whole lot of trouble could have been avoided. Then again, it wouldn't be nearly as funny.

Temari had brought three pairs of shoes along with the pair she was currently wearing: a spare pair of ninja sandals, and two pairs of high heels. Gaara reached for the black pair of heels and experimentally pushed his feet into them.

The fit was a little tight around the sides. Temari's feet were longer than his but were more slender as well. He squirmed a bit before releasing a little sand into the sides to cushion his feet before taking an experimental step forward…and falling flat on his face. Undeterred, he levered himself up to his hands and knees and slowly got back up on his feet.

Only to fall flat again.

Seven more false starts and he was able to take a single step forward and after a little bit of experimenting he learned to walk without falling. After a while he figured out that if he walked heel first he could keep his balance better. An attempt to run however nearly caused him to twist his ankle.

"Okay, so girls like uncomfortable, impractical shoes that put them in danger of falling and injury." Gaara muttered to himself.

Seeing as how he had made something of a breakthrough he kept the shoes on and rummaged through the closet for the matching dress. He got into it without any difficulty although he had trouble keeping the strapless gown from slipping off his shoulders as he lacked the support of Temari's ample bust.

He walked over to the large mirror on the closet door to get a good look at himself, turning around experimentally and then suddenly realizing he had to go to the bathroom. This led to the inevitable discovery of a perk of women's clothing: easy access (5).

Once Gaara was finished relieving himself, he went in search of Temari's makeup bag in hopes of furthering his journey into the female mind.

Temari's makeup bag, he'd noticed, was very different from Kankuro's box of war paint. He tried to remember whether or not he'd ever seen his sister apply makeup before but couldn't come up with any references in his memory. Shrugging he decided to wing it. After all, it can't be all that difficult.

Kankuro and Temari shuffled into the hotel late that afternoon. Truthfully they should have been back hours ago but apparently the rash of ennui that had infected the village had everyone starving for something to do. After they'd left the Hokage's office they'd run into Sasuke, TenTen, and Shino (he former demanding rematches and Kankuro actually challenging the latter), getting blindsided by Lee and Gai (who were having an impromptu race through the village), being dragged to lunch as an apology, and then having to run for their lives as Lee somehow managed to drink Gai's sake instead of water.

Tired and wanting no more unwanted surprises today, they dragged themselves to their hotel suite. After fumbling with the keys for a moment, they managed to get the door opened…

…only to slam it shut again and run for the hills.

Gaara stood in the middle of the room, still wearing the dress and heels. His face painted in a gruesome caricature of a clown (6). His siblings would have nightmares for days.

Things bored teenagers do #5: Crossdress

1) I thought I'd die laughing when I saw that the Crack in the Box website is still online!

2) And while some find it cruel I make it a point not to lie to children because they will inevitably run into one of those kids who knows that Santa Claus, . If they ask me something I know will traumatize them I will either refuse to answer or completely change the subject.

3) South Park!

4) Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey

5) I have found this is the only real advantage to wearing a skirt or a dress; just hike it up and go! Of course, men seem to like taking advantage of this fact, part of the reason I rarely wear skirts

6) For a visual reference think a cross between Pennywise the Dancing Clown and Harumi Chono's makeup during her psychotic breakdown in Paranoia Agent episode 3.


	7. Chapter 7

Congratulate me, I am now an A+ Certified IT Technician. Or, don't congratulate me…buncha haters…

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Seven: Rorshach Cloud Test  
By Kaori

Special Chapter Seven-Only Disclaimer: Although this writer has taken three psychology courses, she is only vaguely familiar with the Rorshach Test. Any claims made about this test are based on anecdotal knowledge. Absolutely no research was done on the subject and any resemblance to actual facts about the test is purely coincidental. In other words: I is joking plz don' hurt me. Kthx.

And now...on to the story!

* * *

Boredom continues to weave through the village like an endless stream of consciousness sentence that doesn't really go anywhere but the person keeps going on and on about whatever happens to be coming out of their brains at the moment like the strange shapes the shadows on their bedroom wall make or what the exact shade of beige the cushions in the living room are or even why it is that whenever you try to sit down and study the phone rings and it's your mom calling you "just because" and is worried that you may not be eating properly and speaking of eating I am so full I can't believe I ate four homemade pizza bagels I made a total pig of myself pigs are cute oink oink baby (authoress is suddenly smacked upside the head with a 2x4)

Sorry.

Anyway back to the boredom.

Shikamaru decided to alleviate the boredom the same way he always does, by watching clouds and wishing he was one. He did not expect to be joined by most of his friends.

"What do you guys want?" he murmured.

"Nothin' we just thought that if we're gonna be bored anyway, we may as well be bored together." Sakura explained. Shikamaru gave a disgruntled sigh but refrained from commenting as his friends took up spots nearby.

They all lay there in silence (well, relative silence. Chouji was munching chips as he cloud watched), just staring up at the white fluffy clouds, until…

"That one over there kinda looks like the back of Iruka-sensei's head." Kiba muttered. Several of the other genin tilted their heads to the side in unison but remained quiet.

The semi-silence continued for another ten minutes or so.

"That big cloud looks like a sushi boat." Murmured Chouji around a mouthful of chips.

"The boat part I get but I see sailors, not sushi." Ino said.

"That cloud looks like Haku!" Naruto exclaimed. Sakura raised her head a little to better analyze the cloud.

"Yeah, it does sort of look like Haku." Sakura nodded.

"Who is Haku?" Hinata asked. Team 7 then had to tell the story of their C-Rank turned A-Rank. Once the tale was through they continued to stare up at the clouds and point out the shapes they saw in the clouds.

"You know, you can tell a bit about someone's motivations by the kinds of things they see in the shapes of clouds." Shikamaru said idly.

"Really?" drawled Ino.

"Hm."

"How?" Naruto asked.

"It's a complicated scientific process. It'd be too troublesome to explain it to you."

"But it would be fun to try out." Said Ino, who was getting a little bored with staring up at the sky. This sounded like it would be good for a laugh. "I know, let's try it out on someone."

"Well we can't do it with anyone here." Shikamaru sighed, realizing that now that Ino is intrigued he's pretty much committed to this troublesome idea.

"Why not?" asked Kiba.

"Because it's in the front of your minds now and you'll think too much about your answers."

"So we'll just ask someone else then." Naruto declared. "Wait right here, I'll be back." Fifteen minutes later, the blonde menace was back with Sasuke. "Okay, I brought the teme!" Sakura hit him.

"Stop calling him that!"

"When he stops being one I will!" grumbled Naruto. She hit him again.

"Just tell me why you dragged me out here?" grumbled the Uchiha. "I should be training, not wasting time with you."

"Oh please, you were five seconds away from picking a fight with Anko."

"And then you had to go and mess it up. I'd spent a good twenty minutes working her up to steaming mad, five more seconds and she would've been ready to try to hit me."

"It took you twenty minutes? Ha! You amateur I only need twenty seconds to get Anko mad enough to want to kill me!"

"Why you…"

Ino thought it best to interrupt them before things turned violent. She started with punching Naruto in the gut (so much for curbing the violence) and then asking Sasuke to sit down and help them out with a little experiment.

"Okay, we're going to point to some clouds and you tell us what you think they look like." Explained the long-haired blonde. Sasuke sighed in annoyance but complied; after all he is incredibly bored and he could always rile up Anko later. "We'll start with that one there." She picked a large cumulus cloud. Sasuke regarded it askance.

"Kind of looks like a rabbit." He said.

"And that one?" Ino pointed to another.

"A rabbit."

"What about that cloud there."

"Rabbit." Shrugged Sasuke.

"That one over there?"

"A deformed rabbit."

"Sasuke they can't _all_ look like rabbits." Kiba threw up his hands in exasperation. "Are you even trying?"

"Hey, you asked me what they looked like to me and I'm telling you they look like rabbits." Sasuke replied peevishly. "Whatever, this is stupid. I'm going back to bothering Anko, maybe this time I can get a good workout."

"Well, what do you make of that Shikamaru?" Naruto asked.

"Either he is obsessed with rabbits or…" drawled Shikamaru.

"Or?" Sakura prompted.

"_Or_ Sasuke's decided to forgo revenge for the time being and pursue reviving the Uchiha Clan." All the girls turned bright red, Kiba leered, Chouji stopped eating, and Naruto's eyes crossed.

"Do you think that's why he wants to fight Anko so bad?" the jinchuriki asked quietly. The horrified looks on his friends' faces would've been funny if he wasn't actually worried about this.

"We'd better go stop him." Everyone else said in unison.

Things bored teenagers do #6: Jump to disturbing conclusions about their friends' behavior.


	8. Chapter 8

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Eight: Being a Ninja is Not Sexy  
By Kaori

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"For the last time go away you cock-blocking bastards!"

"Oh come on Sasuke, let it go already! She is way too crazy for you!" Kiba yelled back at the closed door, giving it another kick. "Nothing good can come of sleeping with a woman like that at your age!"

"And just what would you know about that?" the Uchiha scoffed from the other side of the door. "You've never gotten any!"

"Like you have!"

"I would have if it wasn't for you idiots! Just go away!"

"Not until you come out and go swimming with us! You spend too much time cooped up in that dark, depressing house of yours!"

"Screw you, I do what I want!"

To the complete surprise of this writer, and probably some of you guys as well, Sasuke had in fact been planning on doing "this and that" with Anko. Whether or not he would have succeeded in bedding the toukubetsu jounin is a thought process that makes my skin crawl and I think it is better for everyone concerned that we do not pursue that line of inquiry and further. I mean the lemon part was kinda fun but when I started imagining what their kids would be like…brrrrr. So yeah, let's not go there.

ANYWAY!

A few feet behind Kiba Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, and Neji were standing around trying very hard not to remember why this conversation was happening in the first place; and simultaneously trying very hard not to imagine what sex with Anko would be like. Dammit to Hell with the Necronomicon, I started thinking about it again!!

You know what, let's change gears completely and go over to Ino's house and see what's going on over there.

Since there was literally nothing else to do, the girls decided to spend the day watching reruns of The Young and the Shurikenless and pampering themselves.

"I wish our lives could be more glamorous." Sighed Ino, inspecting her newly painted nails and deciding that she didn't like the color after all. "I mean, look at that!" she waved in the general direction of the television set. "Why can't we wear gorgeous outfits like that?"

"Because it's impractical and we'd get ourselves killed maybe?" TenTen suggested, as she applied a facial masque. "Face it, if that were a real battle Nanase would've been dead a long time ago. All those loops and belts she's wearing make a lot of noise when she moves and could catch on things easily."

"Ugh, you sound like Shikamaru. He takes all the fun out of watching this show."

"Shikamaru watches The Young and the Shurikenless?" Sakura asked, pulling her hair out of the odango she had put it in a few minutes ago.

"Well…only when my dad goes over to visit his dad and drags me along. It's the only good thing on TV around that time."

"You mean it's the only thing _you_ want to watch that's on."

"Oh shut up, as a guest in his home the least he could do is let me pick the entertainment." Sakura couldn't really argue with that so she just shrugged and went back to styling her hair. Ino pressed on. "But seriously, didn't you think your career would be more like that?"

"Well…yeah." Tenten begrudgingly admitted. "When I first joined I thought there would be far more guarding of nobles and spying on enemies than pulling vegetables and finding stray cats. Seriously, I get that the D-Rank missions are meant to build teamwork and closer working relationships between ninja, but they could have come up with something more ninja-like. Like a training camp of some sort."

"And would it kill them to make the chuunin vests a little more fashionable?" Ino continued. "Yes it's a flak jacket but that's no excuse for it to be so unsexy."

"You want to be sexy on the battlefield?" Sakura drawled.

"I'm already sexy on the battlefield, but I could be much more so with better attire." Was the haughty retort. The other two girls couldn't take it they burst out laughing. "Seriously though, the only sexy things we do is sneak around. Normal guys don't seem to like women who could slit their throats without warning. It's really annoying, it's like now that I'm a ninja I can't have anything other than a professional relationship with guy who isn't one too!"

"You're still angry that cute guy pretended to have a girlfriend because he was afraid of you aren't you?" teased Sakura. Ino threw a curling iron at her.

"Hey! Careful I need that!" TenTen said.

The girls gradually drifted back to watching the soap opera again while absently painting their nails, styling and re-styling their hair, and sighing at the (admittedly very cheesy) dialogue.

"You know," Sakura said idly. "when you really get down to it, out of all the guys in our class the only ones who even remotely behave like the ninja on this show are Lee, Kiba, and Naruto. I mean, look at Rikichi there; he's just been through a horribly blood battle and yet he stops to pick flowers for Keiko." TenTen snorted.

"I can hear Neji now, "We are still in danger, foolish sentiment now would only get us killed". Seriously, I know I'm a kunoichi but I'm a woman too dammit! Would it kill him to treat me like one every once in a while?"

"To be honest, I don't think any of them could woo a girl if their lives depended on it."

"Not like Susumu-sama!" sighed Ino, causing the other two girls to let out fangirlish squeals of elation. "Did you see that episode when he rescued Okuni from the evil shogun?"

"All the while clutching the ribbon she tied to his ninja-to the night before?" Sakura added, stars in her eyes.

"And when he holds her in his arms after getting her out of the prison he says, "even if death were to separate us I would fight Shinigami himself to return your ribbon to you" and then he ties the ribbon around their hands!" gushed TenTen. All three girls sighed again.

"Ah well…"

Things bored teenagers do #7 : Bemoan the lack of glamour and romance in their lives. (pause) What? They can't all be funny you know.


	9. Chapter 9

ZETSUBOUSHITA! Trying to come up with a decent chapter has left me in despair!

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Nine: [Zoku] House Party  
By Kaori

It was exceedingly rare for Shikamaru to get the entire house mostly to himself. Everyone save himself, had come down with a horrible stomach virus and were now convalescing in the hospital. He would have to remember to thank the gods for giving him a dislike of boiled eggs, which was the only reason why he didn't eat the egg salad at yesterday's picnic with the Akimichi and Yamanaka families.

Remember kids, if it smells funny and been out in the sun _don't_ eat it!

Today he stayed in bed until almost eleven o' clock, and then soaked in the tub for an hour before finally getting dressed and getting something to eat. Basking in the glow of not having his mother yell and harass him out of bed, he almost had a heart attack when he found the dining room contained the rest of the rookie nine save Chouji who was in the hospital with the rest of his family (Ino had not partaken of the egg salad from Hades as she was currently trying out a cholesterol free diet).

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS HERE?" he demanded.

"We were bored and Sasuke still won't let us in his house because he's a jackass," Kiba stated, ducking Ino and Sakura's fists, and Sasuke's thrown can of tomato juice. "and we can't go to Hinata's because her dad still hasn't forgiven Naruto for the possessed bra incident."

"I haven't either." Neji threw in.

"Leave." Huffed Shikamaru.

"No way, we just got here." Kiba stated.

Shikamaru sighed. He really didn't care anyway so he went back upstairs to sleep. This is probably the one time in his life he should have drug up the energy to care; would've saved everyone a truckload of grief.

The first thing he noticed when he woke up again was that there was a body draped over him. The second thing he noticed was that the other body wasn't wearing any clothes. "HOLY SHIT!" he yelped, leaping out of the bed and causing the naked body to fall onto the floor consequently revealing its identity as Mitarashi Anko.

"Oooh, _there_ she is." A voice slurred from the door. Shikamaru whipped his head around and got an eyeful of an inebriated Hatake Kakashi. The jounin didn't seem to notice the distressed chuunin at all as he swayed over to where the naked woman was laying and literally kicked her butt. "Oi, Anko. Get up and get dressed Asuma's come back with some more sake."

"More sake" seemed to be the magic words as Anko immediately stood up and whirled into the clothes that she hadn't been wearing a moment ago, and that Shikamaru was positive weren't hadn't been in the room with them, and bolted out the door whooping happily. Kakashi followed her out at a more sedate pace. Shikamaru stood there for a good thirty seconds before dazedly following them downstairs. What awaited him there caused him to give a strangled cry.

The house was a complete wreck. Empty sake bottles littered the floor along with broken dishes and pieces of furniture. There were people _everywhere_, most of whom he recognized and some he was certain weren't supposed to be there on account of being missing-nin; Akatsuki members at that. In fact, if they weren't all drunk off their asses the uninvited pests would and their associates would have noticed this for themselves.

Anko was greedily chugging down sake near the sleeping form of Yuuhi Kurenai, who apparently had passed out from intoxication a long time ago. Asuma and Kakashi were drinking at a more sedate pace but were matching her shot for shot. On the other side of the room, Kiba, Akamaru, Naruto, and Neji had found the karaoke machine and were belting out the latest enka ballad. Badly. Oddly enough, all this racket didn't wake Sasuke, who had passed out on top of the speaker with Ino and Sakura each clinging on to one of his feet; neither of them were conscious either. The cause of their condition appeared to be two empty cases of Pixy Stix and a pallet of empty 2 liter Mountain Dew bottles. Sugar overdose anyone?

Something fell passed the window and hit the ground with a loud crash. Glancing outside, he could see more things falling passed the window that he soon realized it was the furniture from his parents' bedroom. He made a mad dash back upstairs and threw open the door…

…and stood stupidly in shock as the sight of Hinata chanting gibberish and throwing his parents' things out a hole in the wall. The sound of glass breaking and wood splintering broke Shikamaru out of his shock and he dashed off towards the kitchen.

"ACHOOOOOO!" Tthe sound of that battle cry actually made him run faster. Only one person in the entire world screamed that while fighting and it was the last person you wanted intoxicated in your house.

Rock Lee had almost completely destroyed the kitchen by the time young Nara got there and the only thing standing as opposition was the stove. TenTen had apparently tried, unsuccessfully, to stop him and was out cold by the kitchen door. He was about to yell at Lee to stop but a loud explosion forced him to go back to the living room which was now missing a wall. Apparently Deidara had blown up the wall to kill a spider.

Sakura and Ino had woken up and replaced Neji, Naruto, Kiaba and Akamaru at the karaoke machine, found the volume control and cranked it up to the Ridiculously Loud setting. Neji was now laying passed out next to Sasuke on the speaker. Even the Hyuuga clan is not immune to sugar overdose.

It took him a minute to realize that Naruto and Kiba were missing altogether; the question as to where they had disappeared to swiftly answered when they came flying across the living room in an armchair.

To add insult to injury, Kisame chose that time to swing in after them on a rope yelling like Tarzan…and wearing even less. Sadly the only thing Shikamaru could think right then was "how the hell did he do that? There's nothing to tie the rope on." Dazedly he wandered to the foyer only to be knocked back into the living room when the door exploded inward.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE SHODAI'S GHOST ARE YOU ALL DOING?" screamed Tsunade as she stood in the ruined doorway arms akimbo. Everyone in the house instantly sobered. The Godaime stalked menacingly towards them, hands clenching and unclenching as she spoke. She rounded on the jounins first. "I have been looking for you four all afternoon! And YOU!" she pointed at Deidara and Kisame. "How the hell did you even get in the _village_?"

"RUN KISAME, UN!" yelled Deidara, throwing a smoke bomb and heading for the hills, Kisame not far behind. Tsunade turned to yell at Asuma, Kurenai, Anko, and Kakashi only to find that they had made themselves scarce while she had been yelling at the two Akatsuki members. She rounded on the duo at the karaoke machine instead.

" Turn down that racket!" Obedience was instantaneous. "Rock Lee is drunk and loose in the village and I demand to know who is responsible!" All fingers pointed to Naruto.

As punishment for wrecking Shikamaru's house (and allowing Rock Lee to get drunk and wreak the village) the partygoers (sans Deidara and Kisame naturally) were forced to repair all the damage done…while being lectured by Iruka and Ebisu the entire time. As for Shikamaru he had to face the wrath of his mother when she and the rest of his family got out of the hospital to find their house still under repairs.

Things bored teenagers do #8 and 9: Invade their friend's house. Throw illegal parties that get everyone in trouble.


	10. Chapter 10

Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers  
Part Ten: Property is Theft!  
By Kaori

After training vigorously all morning, attempting to stalk numerous chuunin (with varying degrees of success), getting into a meaningless argument with Chouji about shabu shabu, and starting a pie fight in the market district _again_, Naruto was _still_ bored. He needed a challenge; something that would sharpen his skills. But most importantly, it had to be something he hadn't done ten times already. Then, like a lightning bolt, inspiration struck! A slow, devious, borderline evil smile went across his face. Yes. _That_ is what he would do…

An hour later he decided he was very glad he'd sent a kagebunshin covered in sleeping drug-laced sausages into the Inuzuka compound first. With the guard dogs asleep it was a lot easier to sneak around. He'd brought along some sleep powder bombs just in case he ran into anyone as he snuck around but so far he'd been fortunate. Ever so carefully he made his way across the ceiling. That's right, the ceiling; he wasn't taking any chances. If an alarm was raised the first thing the residents would do is waste time having their dogs sniff the floors for the scent of an intruder; all he'd need to do at that point is have a couple hundred of his kagebunshin henge into a nondescript shinobi and haul tail in different directions while he made his escape. There seemed to be no need to implement his emergency escape plan though, as he'd managed to get to his target without alerting anyone. Exceedingly pleased with himself, yet still cautious, he went back out the way he'd come with his prize tucked into his jacket.

The next target of his B.E.T (1) adventures was the far more difficult Hyuuga mansion. Fortunately, the secret entrance into Hanabi's bedroom (which he'd discovered during the accursed bra incident) was still there and unguarded. Unfortunately, the unpleasant little Hyuuga was occupying it.

"Great," Naruto thought. "now what do I do?" The gods must have been bored too because at that moment Neji tried to sneak passed Hanabi's room but ended up tripping over Hiashi's pet dust bunny Mr. Snuggakins (_Don't_ ask! The Hyuuga clan is just messed up okay!). Hanabi was all over Neji lke Pedobear on a 3rd grader.

"Neeejiiiiiii! Plaaaaaaay with meeeeeeee!" sang the little girl as she dragged Neji into her room. The older Hyuuga was leaving deep fingernail marks in the hardwood floor that would be a bitch and a half to get out later as he tried desperately (and futilely) to escape his little cousin. Neither Hyuuga noticed Naruto making his exit.

It was a little more difficult finding the item he was looking for but he managed it and hastily beat a retreat out the opposite side of the compound.

Robbing Lee's house was ridiculously easy as the older boy had left all the doors unlocked. Naruto had to wonder at such a trusting soul, but then realized that no one in their right mind would rob a ninja. Ignoring the fact that he'd just called himself crazy he moved on to the next place on his mental hit list.

He needed to take a break after robbing Kakashi. Not because it was difficult but because the various disturbing objects in his sensei's apartment had left him far too traumatized to continue immediately. That man _really_ needed to get a girlfriend. After getting some ramen to calm his poor nerves, he returned to his little crime spree.

Naruto'd toyed with the idea of robbing Ibiki while he was in the neighbourhood but thought better of it, opting to hit Shikamaru's house instead. Again he thought about robbing Shino's place and again decided against it. Some things you just don't do.

His final target was the home of one Uchiha Sasuke. He'd saved his rival's house for last because he didn't want to rush; he would have to be especially careful if he was going to accomplish his self-appointed mission.

Sasuke, while at home, is ridiculously paranoid. Having witnessed his brother kill his parents, he always had the fear in the back of his mind that Itachi would come back and finish what he started. Then there is the whole business of Orochimaru wanting his body (quite possibly in _that_ way) and his paranoia just skyrocketed. Sasuke is the only non-jounin in the entire village that habitually sleeps with a kunai.

Thankfully for Naruto it is still late afternoon and the young Uchiha's paranoia doesn't start to kick in until after sunset.

He'd gone in through the roof because Sasuke booby traps the windows. Granted that measure wasn't very effective against the ones that had ninja training, but if the traps were disabled it was a way of knowing that someone (fangirl, Itachi, whomever) was in the house and could prepare himself. Very carefully, Naruto cut a hole large enough for him to get in and out of fairly easily and then slipped inside.

The blonde ended up moving fairly slowly; the timbers and beams holding the roof up were very old and groaned at the additional weight. He eased his way towards where he knew the bathroom was, a journey that took fifteen minutes at his snail-like pace.

Sasuke's bedroom was his ultimate goal but the rooms between the dark-haired boy's bathroom and bedroom were all locked and boarded up, so he had to risk discovery by making a mad dash towards the bedroom.

_Safe_! He exulted as he managed to avoid detection. He almost thought the Uchiha might not be home and he'd be able to get in and out without running into his teammate.

"Dobe, what are you doing in my house?" a very familiar voice hissed coldly. Naruto turned around slowly. Crap, it wasn't his imagination after all. "Well?"

Drawing on skills honed from years of hit and run pranking and ninja training, hands went in and out of his pocket faster than you can say "lullaby". Sasuke suddenly found himself with a face full of sleeping powder and was out like a light shortly thereafter. Not waiting around to gloat over his fallen teammate's prone body, Naruto got busy arranging him so that when he woke up, he'd think he'd fallen asleep and only dreamt that the blonde had been there. Then he collected what he'd come for and left.

Tsunade was unhappily going through the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated on her desk for months and had only really started getting any attention over the last week or so. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. When the missions had been coming in every day she could rationalize not doing the paperwork because she had to personally see to the new missions and then delegate the paperwork to the first person who annoyed her and/or interrupted her sake time. The giggling coming from below the tower wasn't helping either.

Wait...giggling? That's never a good sign. People giggling below the Hokage Tower usually were up to no good, watching people who were up to no good, or reading Icha Icha Paradise. Quickly she made her way to the window.

Looking down she could see that of the people who were laughing some were saluting while others pointing upwards to curious passersby. Craning her neck up she couldn't see what was so amusing so she made her way to the roof. The sight that met her made her laugh riotously.

Naruto was dutifully saluting a flag. While this in and of itself is not funny the fact that the flag is made entirely out of underwear is. Tsunade immediately recognized Sasuke's as no one else would dare wear the Uchiha symbol on their crotch. The large pair with the frogs on them had to be Jiraiya's; Rock Lee's had his name stitched in the band as did Inuzuka Kiba's. The rest of the undergarments she couldn't identify and seriously doubted their owner's would dare come and collect them.

The younger blonde looked very pleased with himself, but the smug look on his face was immediately replaced by terror when Hyuuga Neji appeared out of the blue and started beating the crap out of him, soon followed by Sasuke, Kiba, and his other victims save Jiraiya (who didn't seem to care), Shikamaru (who felt it too troublesome), and Kakashi (who was down near the base of the tower saluting).

Things bored teenagers do #10: Indulge in (very) petty theft.

* * *

1) Breaking, Entering, and Theft not Black Entertainment Television (although that would be hysterical).

_I felt I needed to explain the title of this last chapter because I wasn't sure everyone would understand. The property is part of a larger quote by a French anarchist named Pierre-Joseph Proudhon in which he equates slavery to murder and property to robbery. However, the first time I had seen this quote was in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy where Zaphod Beeblebrox says (when asked by Arthur Dent whether he owns the ship The Heart of Gold), "look, property is theft, right? Therefore theft is property. Therefore this ship is mine, OK?" Even after finding out the true origin of the quote I found it hilarious and always wanted to using it somewhere (without having to resort to actual theft), I got my opportunity with this chapter._ _And now I leave you with a stupid joke: Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft!_


End file.
